Let me have a think

I'm returning to Hangzhou and it's wall mounted heaters which seem to serve only a decorative purpose. Shenzhen has shown me tropical shady businessmen, children who don't understand the concept of a hobby, and a Chinese woman named Nikita. All in all an extremely busy eight days. My first two classes of the day began at 7:45 am. Needless to say the teacher had a hard time attending. The reading course was tedious, difficult, and somewhat boring. It all worked out for the best though because the final class I taught was fantastic. Throughout the course, I focused on short stories beginning with Grimm's then going to Hemingway's "The Killers" and then Kate Chopin's" Story of an Hour." "The Killers" focused on the Prohibition Era and I introduced the students to the term "gangster" through a Boardwalk Empire clip. Thanks to the Home Box Office I'm spreading the thug life, one dream at a time. The students were all so smart and had such interesting and clear interpretations of the works. They put my own wikipedia formulated analysis to shame. The last class the students put together an epic skit combining all the stories. I first proposed to seperate the class into groups and each group would do a modern retelling of one of the stories. However one of the girls proposed a combination and being the ridiculous person I am, I quickly agreed. All of the students joined in and some little kids came to view the skit. My last class and I wasn't allowed to tell the students I was leaving because according to Ken, "it is very difficult to get foreign teachers." I'm still not sure why I couldn't tell them. Maybe they are planning to trick the students into believing that one of the Chinese teachers is foreign. Either way I will miss the students, their eager attitudes, and their positive work ethic.
My second class was a small speaking group. I had four students, Elva, Lolli, Rosie and Icarus. Elva is the funniest person I have met in China. She's a ninteen year old pianist, Starbucks conneiseur, and the origin of my newly adapted catch phrase "let me have a think." Even though I was her English teacher it was too great to correct. Use it, own it, work it. She loves American culture and it was my honor to introduce Lady Gaga's Bad Romance video, Glee and Sue Sylvester, Black Swan and the common American - Drake idiom, "Oh you fancy, huh?" I also adapted the Boardwalk Empire lesson plan into one on "what do gangsters do in their free time? Hobbies of America's past and present." (Atleast, that is what I would have called the lesson in retrospect.) For the present part I also added a clip from The Town and The Sopranos, but alas no Departed clips on the Chinese youtube : (. The gangster lesson was a hit with Icarus. Icarus is the first English name or sort of English name, I have given to any one. I thought he was more of a Peter or a Michael but he insisted on something more original and badass. A 15 year old boy who writes "Jane Austen" as his person for the game twenty questions does not seem badass or rebellious but either way I think the name Icarus is solid. Who knows maybe it's just the thing he needs to spread his wings and fly towards the sun...excuse my pundicide.Lolli is another insanely funny lady, I knew we would be instant friends when she said "My name is Lolli but you can call me Lollipop." What solidified this friendship was when she said I had a beautiful singing voice. Bahahaa wowee I don't think anyone has ever said that to me. Lollipop loves Justin Bieber, singing out of her apartment's windows, and any activity involving expression. Ironically enough this future Oscar winner plans to go into the family trade, mechanical engineering. Finally, Rosie, a sweet studious girl who chose Martin Luther King Jr as her character for 20 questions. Needless to say myself and Lollipop did not guess any further back in history than Obama. Perhaps my greatest triumph has been the welcome lyrics written to Justin Bieber upon his imagined arrival in Shenzhen. Lolli, Rosie and I peppered it with Beyonce and Lady Gaga lyrics. It seems he will be caught in a bad romance upon his arrival. But he's a survivor, ain't gonna give up, gonna work harder.
I am very grateful the teaching has been so fun and the kids so positive because the administration of my school runs like a schizophrenic mafia. First was my housing tragedy and then my sudden trip to Shenzhen (completely lesson plan-less for the 60 hours of courses--that's quite a bit of bullshitting). Then my Hangzhou boss, Wu Guifu insisted that I mail my original 200K Fordham diploma overseas to a major Chinese corporation otherwise I would risk losing my visa. After I told him I refused to, he called Nikita, another teacher in Shenzen, and she arrived at my hotel room at 10 pm with the CEO of Shinywee's cell phone number. She told me to call her in the morning and after she skipped down the hall I wondered if the key she was holding was to my room. Had Wu Guifu sent this 100 lb Chinese woman, who despite her fierce, African name,wears Hello Kitty and pointy fur-lined pink boots, to force the diploma out of my body? Because I would swallow it whole before giving it to him. The following morning Nikita slinked into class, I spoke to the CEO of Shinywee, and an hour later the diploma issue was forgotten because my visa had been approved. On the same day as the diploma debacle, I was cornered by the Shenzhen boss who's opening line was "I heard you like it here in Shenzhen." I replied that i never said that and he ignored me and proceeded to offer me a job and contract with his school. It was honestly a better deal but the idea of going through visa hell a second time was too much to bear so I am in the airport, 8 days after beginning the course, not finishing it and leaving because I have to get my visa before the Chinese New Year.
And now that i have heard "If the plane has to make a forced landing please take off you high heeled shoes" I must kick my kitten heels off, lounge back into this snoring opera, and embrace the meat crumbles atop porridge I will soon be served. Bon appetit.